For Drug Awareness Month 2024, the National Council on Substance Abuse (NCSA) is focusing on the theme “Strengthening Prevention”. So, let us look at the approaches that can be taken to support family members who may be using substances.
Before we look at such approaches, we need to be able to know if our loved one is using drugs. When a person is using drugs, there are changes in mood and personality. That person may be: depressed, unmotivated or less motivated than usual, uncooperative, aggressive, angry, secretive, hyperactive, or may have difficulties focusing.
There may also be changes in behaviour, such as not showing up for work, skipping school/classes, demonstrating poor eye contact when interacting with others, chewing gum to cover up breath, or using perfume or cologne to cover up scents on clothing or body. Other signs include poor hygiene, red eyes, burns on fingertips, weight loss, being tired, sleeping longer hours than usual, appearing unwell, and stealing money. Being aware of these signs is important as they will play a role in what you do to help.
When persons who submit to a drug-free life suspect that a loved one is using a substance, anxiety may kick in and shame and disappointment, along with anger and other emotions can occur, which is all normal. With all these emotions in place, try not to judge your loved one but at the same time, we can’t ignore the situation. To prevent things from becoming worse, having a conversation is important.
However, before starting the conversation, and according to Partnership to End Addiction, you need to think about what you would like to accomplish. Do you want your loved one to get help, or do you just want to voice your concerns? Whatever you decide, when you have that conversation with them just stay calm, be respectful, show love and demonstrate that you care as you actively listen to them.
During the conversation ask open-ended questions, such as, “What are your thoughts about what was discussed so far?” “How do you want to address the situation?”
Also, consider when you want to have this conversation. When is the best time to do so? If the person is under the influence, you should defer the conversation because they will not be in a mental state to focus, comprehend, or make good decisions. If you or the other person is pressed for time, then you should defer the conversation. You can also plan and rehearse what you want to say and perhaps it may be best that you talk to a counsellor in the field to help you with this conversation.
The setting up of boundaries and consequences may be helpful to address some of your concerns or to improve the relationship, such as no drug use on your premises, and if they do use drugs on your premises there is a consequence for doing so. It is important to follow through on the consequences, if not you will not be taken seriously.
To get through to your loved one and to improve the relationship try not to focus on all the negative things the person does. Highlight some of the positives and some of the good things they are doing. As stated earlier, being aware of the loved one’s involvement in drugs can create emotional distress, so you need to pay attention to your health and well-being. You need to take time to take care of yourself.
If you spend all your energy focusing on helping your loved one you will be drained and overwhelmed and at some point in time, you will not be able to effectively help. So, eat well, do fun things, do things that you enjoy, exercise, go to the beach, watch a movie or a comedy, and spend time with positive friends. It may also be helpful to consider counselling for yourself to help with the negative emotions you are experiencing or to address any other aspect of the situation.